I was quite surprised that over the course of the first week of January God made it abundantly clear that the saint He wanted me to grow with was St. Charbel—a powerhouse in the Maronite rite and a man I knew absolutely nothing about.

As I started to read about this Lebanese saint, I quickly came to realize that his life on earth was very still and quiet. He lived out a monastic vocation, and no written wisdom was ever procured from him. I began to question if I misheard the Lord—could a saint so hidden be a match for a zeal that consumes?

Of course. Because the Lord’s giants teach us about the need for every type of saint. Beyond that, the Lord has begun teaching me through this marriage of zeal and contemplation that each feeds into the other. My natural disposition to be excited about zeal will never reach its full potential if I am not surrendered to the beauty of contemplation as well.

I continue to learn that while the Lord is incredibly steadfast in his love for me, He also surprises me with new ways to draw closer to Him. These invitations have helped me to let go of the pride that can creep into a seemingly well-curated and aesthetic prayer life. In exchange, He renews his promise to me that life with Him is an incredible adventure and one that He always makes new.

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This uprooting has been slightly uncomfortable and has resulted in me starting to take stock of the things that I have been holding tightly to myself, even things that are good.

Am I willing to be ruthless in my inventory of my life and give the Lord whatever He asks, however it may feel? Or do I seek to maintain hanging onto the things that are “not bad”, simply because I don’t deem them as immoral?

We serve a God who desires all we have, who asks us to approach with completely empty hands and attachments in order that He may fill them with his own treasures. I am not yet sure of what the tradeoff will be with some of the things that I am surrendering, but I know that his storehouse holds much more than the little pile of my treasures that I’m bringing to his throne. Luke 1:53 tells us that “He fills the empty with good things”, and my hope is that as I draw closer to Him, I become as empty of the world and my own desires as possible, so that there is more room for Him to fill and more space in which He can live.

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I know that in this passage, Jesus is talking to the young man about saying goodbye to his family and attachment to earthly things, but this spoke to me about the ways I have been trapped “looking back” at something the Lord has already called me forward from. How much of my finite time on this earth has been spent looking back in shame or anguish at how I didn’t choose Jesus instead of standing in the mercy He has already given me and keeping my hand on the plough, responding to the call to walk forward with Him in joy? Not only does He offer forgiveness and relief, He makes it abundantly clear that we are to leave behind what He has said is finished. He calls us forward, not so that we ever forget what He has done, but so we do not miss what He is doing.

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“Loving as Jesus” is a common phrase, and I feel I have received lots of examples and instruction on what it means to love as Christ loves. Loving as the Holy Spirit is perhaps more nuanced, but loving in my giftings, loving freely, and having a spirit of generosity has drawn me in to understand how I can give of myself as the Paraclete does. However, loving as the Father loves is the new way that God is teaching me to be like Him.

Historically, I have looked at the love of the Father as something to simply receive, and that has been my posture in relating to Him. As time moves on, and I try to draw closer to Him, He is teaching me that I have a call to love the way He loves as well. This can mean so many things, and He is always doing something new, but to speak the heart of the Father to others is to give affirmation of who they are in his eyes, regardless of my own opinions and experiences. It means to invite others into freedom and wholeness of life by standing firm in truth and love simultaneously, and to boldly forgive when I have been wronged.

To love like God holds many facets, and to love like Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has different elements, all of which are needed in the world and needed for the people we encounter on a day-to-day basis. Let us pray that when others receive us, they receive all of God, not just the aspects that we find most comfortable.

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St. Martin was a Peruvian who entered a Dominican Order at a young age. His life became a testament, not only to the poor he served without ceasing, but also to nobles and the laymen and priests with whom he lived. His wisdom and gifting were so profound that in one sense, he didn’t need the gifts of others, but in his understanding of true charity, he humbly received the good that God had placed in others to give in service. St. Catherine of Siena talks of this being necessary so that “the light and magnificence of sweet Truth are shown to be infinite.”

Reflecting on this aspect of his life has given me pause. In my own desire to serve, I often stunt opportunities for God to be increasingly magnified through others loving and serving me. St. Martin de Porres has served as a crucial reminder for me that nothing done in the spiritual life can be done in complete isolation. To climb the mountain of sanctity, it is not only important but necessary to accept the hands that seek to help lift us up.

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